Little Boys

I am so sick of little boys who are too scared to say hello and too scared to let me go. I am so sick of little boys who front like they don't have a care in the world but cry the moment I bump their ego. I am sick of the shallow emptiness of first date conversation. I am tired of saying no and feeling ashamed and guilty for not feeling the same way. I am bored to tears with boys who like to appear smarter, stronger, wiser, more successful than they really are. I don't care. I don't care. I DO NOT care about how much money you make. I DO NOT care about how amazing you are and how you kicked the ass of so and so in a bar one time back in college. Or even worse, I DO NOT care about how you kicked the ass of so and so on the latest computer game! Oh, and please, your supposedly witty and sarcastic comment about the way I look was not funny, it was childish and mean. Are you still in middle school? Have you not learned how to give a genuine original compliment?
God PLEASE I need someone to challenge me!
Every date I go on I feel like I am looking after some five year old and I dread the tantrum, or worse, the moping, at the end of the night when I tell them that they get no treat for their good behavior. I am sick of listening patiently to them stroke their own ego and politely refusing to encourage them by ignoring the fishing line they keep throwing out for compliments.
Are they really all this insecure? This one dimensional?
I need someone to match me in my passion for life. My passion for living. My passion for loving and simply being. It disturbs me that it seems so much of this desire for life fizzled out and died when I left college. I guess it's true that the working man is a dying man. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be around that. I need a fire to feed my fire. I need someone to pique my curiosity.
But more than that, I need someone secure enough in himself so that I too might feel safe. How on earth is love supposed to develop and grow if it at all feels unsafe and exposed to the storms and disasters of life. A bit of shelter is necessary and I am so sick of having to be the one to fix and provide that shelter. I just want to rest. I want to rest from myself and the world, but how can I do that if the one I am supposed to love is nothing more than just another being I have to help breathe?